Job Hunting

Now that my family is gone and Joe and I are almost fully settled (that's right, a month in and we are still unpacking), I've started looking for a new job. I have a lot of anxiety around looking for a job, and for a long time I thought it was because I was worried I wouldn't find something.

I've realized that's not the case. At the risk of sounding conceited, I know I will find something eventually. It may not be exactly what I want to do or pay what I hope, but I have a college degree, great references, and 3+ years of "real world" work experience. Plus, I trust that God has a plan, and worrying about the inevitable is a waste of time.

What I've determined the cause of my anxiety to be is the fear of being uncomfortable. For a control-freak like me, discomfort is no bueno.

Think about it, every step of the process is uncomfortable: from trying to sell yourself in your resume/cover letter/interview, to potentially negotiating salary, to meeting the boatload of new co-workers you will interact with for 40 hours every week, to trying to learn the ropes of a new job while not seeming like an idiot by asking a million and one questions.

The thought of it all turns my stomach and makes my heart race.

But with Joe starting dental school next month (HOLY CRAP - HE'S STARTING DENTAL SCHOOL NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!! IT'S FINALLY ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!), I've gotta be the sugar mamma and bring home that bacon.

MMMMM bacon.

Speaking of bacon, this whole launch into weight loss is not going well. First, we had to abandon our Insanity plans because we didn't want to bring our building crashing down with all the jumping. Then, I seriously busted up my toe on my new Ikea desk and couldn't start the 30 Day Shred.

When my toe felt better, I couldn't even imagine trying to exercise because it is so hellishly hot and humid. I've tried eating somewhat healthy, but we had leftover pie. And ice cream. And pizza.

Now that my toe is healed and the pie, ice cream, and pizza are gone, I'm thinking that tomorrow might be the day I officially start a(nother) weight loss journey. I know just the thing that will motivate me, but I am not sure if I can do it.

I'm about to get real with ya'lls - so don't laugh/mock/or otherwise make me regret my honesty. I am 99.9999% sure that I now weigh 200+ pounds. That's 12 pounds up from where I abruptly stopped trying to lose weight around Christmastime, an assumed (because I didn't weigh myself) 30-40 pounds up from my wedding two years ago, and 55 pounds up from my lowest adult weight (sophomore year of college after several months of eating super healthy and daily exercise). And that all is assuming it's not more than the dreaded 200.

I know that if I wake up in the morning and weigh myself, the number I see will be the biggest I have EVER seen, and I am sure that nothing will motivate me more to finally get healthy than that punch to the gut. And, if I can be honest here with that number, maybe the public shame will push me even harder.

But I am petrified.

I guess we'll all see tomorrow if I wuss out or suck it up. I say the odds are 60/40 in favor of me chickening out. But, hey, maybe I'll surprise myself.