Sore Tuesday

Forget Fat Tuesday; today is Sore Tuesday.

There was no way that after busting my butt in the gym yesterday I was going to overindulge today - despite the built-in excuse ;) I was actually surprised that I wasn't in more pain, because I legitimately thought there was a chance I was going to barf, pass out, or die during my first official workout yesterday. But none of the above happened, so I consider that a HUGE win.

I DID Jillian, I swear!

I can't imagine how embarrassing it would have been if I actually puked or passed out. Heck, it was already an embarrassing experience because I had to train in the men's training area.

***Side Note*** By "men's training area,"I mean the co-ed free weight room that few women dare step foot in, either because they don't know what to do, are afraid of getting hit on, or don't want to "bulk up" (which is stupid, because weight-training is so important in slimming down). ***End of Side Note***

Instead of easing me into the "man zone," my trainer popped my weight room cherry by making me do lunges the entire length of the room and back. Twice.

I was SO MORTIFIED.

Not only have I just recently been re-taught how to lunge (I apparently forgot every single thing my trainer 5 years ago taught me), but my balance is terrible, and my endurance is pathetic.

This led to me huffing and puffing down the length of the room and probably appearing half-drunk. All the men watched, of course.

I WANTED TO DIE.

I told myself then and am trying to tell myself now that maybe they admired my moxie? After all, I was obviously out of my comfort zone and I was pushing through. But they probably were thinking, "What is this chubby chick doing? I really hope she doesn't have a heart attack. I have more reps to do and a crew of EMTs would disrupt that."

Tomorrow I get to go back and do the whole thing all over again. I am so not looking forward to it. But I keep browsing the internet for cruise clothes and I really, really want to feel more comfortable with my body before that trip. So I shall press on.

Only 35 more sessions left ;)

Follow me on Bloglovin'

Blah

Lately I've been feeling very blah.

I tend to get a little blue in the winter so, given that this is the coldest winter I've experienced with snowstorm after snowstorm, it's no surprise that I feel this way.

Plus, after I broke (?) my toe on Super Bowl Sunday I have been super inactive. I know, I know - it's just a toe. Look, I have a very low tolerance for pain (won't pregnancy and birth be fun someday?!), and this thing is just not healing. It started feeling better a few days ago, but then Buster jumped on it and now I can't even do something simple like wear shoes without being in pain.

So much for exercising.

It's not like I'd go to the gym even if my toe felt fine. I have zero desire to actually DO anything. Work has been taking significantly more time the past couple of weeks because I can't focus, and I am having trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Last week I slept until 10 or later almost every day, and didn't get started on work until after lunch.

When I don't finish work until the late evening, the last thing I want to do is exercise, clean, cook - or anything else besides lay on the couch and watch TV. This just makes things worse, because I look around the house and become overwhelmed at all of the things I need to do. And then I look at the scale and see all my hard work in January being reversed.

I'm in SUCH A FUNK and I need to snap out of it. I'm sure the fact that I am in my house practically 24/7 is NOT helping. I'm sure that not really having friends in Philadelphia is NOT helping. But I don't feel "up to" fixing either one of those things.

It's a vicious cycle.

I'll be fine. "Blahness" isn't a new feeling for me. It's just been a long time since I felt this way. For the last few years I blamed it on work, but now I LOVE my job (seriously, I couldn't be any luckier. Sometimes I want to pinch myself because I cannot believe how perfectly everything aligned to get me to where I am). So, I guess I'll just now blame it on the damn snow and cabin fever.

On a happier note, Joe is doing amazing in dental school. I am SO proud of him. He just wrapped up anatomy (his toughest class ever) and physiology. While he will still have science classes, now he's also going to get to do more practical things in the lab. His loupes arrived ($1,400 for those babies!) and so did his dental tool kit. He was like a little kid at Christmas :)

Alright - I am off to bed and hope to awake with determination to shake my "blahness."

Follow me on Bloglovin'

Exhausted - But I Found a Dress!

I'm not doing great with points lately.

Exercise, in particular, has been rough. I am so exhausted with everything I am trying to balance that I have skipped the gym for the last several days because I am so mentally and physically exhausted that I can't imagine adding one more thing to my day.

I am really scared for weigh-in Wednesday this week. There have been a couple nights of drinking (one was date night and the other was going to bar with some of Joe's friends). That, combined with our ice cream sundaes & a lack of exercise will probably lead to some disappointment come Wednesday morning.

I have to remember, though, that I am doing much better than I was before the point system. Aside from the ice cream sundae, I have had ZERO desserts since January 2. I have also been drinking a ton of water, drinking MUCH less soda, taking my vitamins, and haven't gone out to eat once. Frankly, this is why the points are so helpful. Even though I am not doing as great as I'd like in some areas, I am still doing good in others. In the past, all-or-nothing me would give up on everything if I messed up in one area, so this is certainly an improvement.

Anyways, enough with that.

On Saturday I went shopping to try to find a cheaper dress for Joe's dental school formal than the $100 one I bought off of Zappos. I found a cute one at Dress Barn, but it wasn't on sale and the zipper was broken.

***Side Note*** Is it just me, or is "Dress Barn" a truly terrible name for a woman's clothing store? ***End of Side Note*** 

Anyways, that night I checked the website to see if there were any cheaper dresses and found a coupon! So yesterday I rushed over to a different Dress Barn and got the dress :) Here it is:

I love that back! Of course, no one will see it because I hate my arms and will be wearing a sweater - but hopefully I can wear this sweater-less on our cruise this summer :) I love that it has a tie waist, because that way even if I lose weight I can still wear it.

***Side Note*** Ouch. 'Even if?' How do I plan to be successful at weight loss with talk like that?! ***End of Side Note***

So that is one less thing on my mind. Thank goodness for that. After Saturday's lack of success, I figured I'd be shopping all next weekend trying to find something. Now I just have to figure out what the heck to do with my hair...

On that note, Pinterest is calling ;)

Follow me on Bloglovin'

Keeping Busy

One of my biggest fears with Joe starting dental school was that I'd be bored out of my mind. I knew that he was going to be studying round-the-clock and, even though I'd be working, there would be many hours in the day that I'd have to entertain myself.

This was one big reason why I started this blog - to have another hobby.

Now that I am a Paparazzi consultant, though, I am SUPER busy AND LOVING IT. Yesterday, for example, I finished work around 4:45 and then took Buster for a walk, went to Target for some business supplies, and came home and prepped for my first Facebook party (this Thursday and Friday night - be there or be square) until 10:30.

***Side Note*** Not to scare off people considering becoming consultants themselves. This is my first party and I had a plethora of things I wanted to accomplish both with my web presence and for the party before Thursday. It's really something that you can put as much or as little time into as you wish. ***End of Side Note***

Obviously, the goal with being a consultant is to make extra money. We just found out that some of Joe's private loans from when he was an undergraduate have been deferred the maximum number of times. Despite him still being in school, we have to start paying $440 a month. And this is just one of the many, many loans that he has (and will continue to accumulate) on his way to a DMD degree.

I am seriously pissed at the bank (rhymes with Bells Cargo) for springing this on us out of the blue. There was no indication ever that there was a maximum number of times he could defer. Not even an e-mail in advance saying that they were coming due to be paid. He got a call after he "missed" a payment he was never notified about. He was made to feel lucky that he wasn't getting penalized for said "late" payment. Those Shady McShadersons.

So my goal for now is to try to make enough money each month off of Paparazzi to pay that $440 student loan bill.

However, even if I don't make buckets of money (or even enough to pay that dang loan), it's still a fun diversion. Being a consultant is teaching me interesting things about online marketing and running a business. Definitely a more productive hobby than many :) ***Cough, cough*** watching 25 hours of BBC miniseries in 11 days ***Cough, cough*** 

Follow me on Bloglovin'

So Far, So Good

After two days on my point system, I'm happy to report that I am off to a good start!

Yesterday, I started C25k for probably the 5th or 6th time (with an attempt at Zombies, Run! in there as well). It felt easier than I remember. But, then again, EVERY time I exercise is easier than my mind tells me when it's trying to talk me out of going to the gym.

It's quite possible, though, that living on the third floor of an apartment building without an elevator (and our bedroom being an additional floor up), has strengthened my leg muscles. That would be pretty sweet :) It certainly hasn't made me svelte.

Today it was hard to convince myself go to the gym - but boy, oh boy did the point system help.

Philly got a snowstorm last night that was bad enough Joe's classes were canceled. Not feeling that a California girl like me should drive in it, I knew that if I were to go to the gym today it would be by foot. Although it's just a 10 minute walk each way, I dreaded it all day.

But I wanted those dang points! So I bundled up and headed out after I wrapped up work.

In truth, saying that I "bundled up" is misleading - but it's what I thought I had done.

I realized that I had, in fact, grossly underestimated the cold as soon as I stepped outside. But I was afraid that if I went all the way back upstairs to add some layers and (oh I don't know... maybe a HAT) I wouldn't be able to get myself back out the door.

So I trudged along feeling like my face was on fire and my head was getting pressed together by a vise. My hands, while glove-adorned, felt completely frozen. When I arrived at the gym, the lady who checked my card took one look at me and declared I was a crazy person.

I guess my wind-chapped face and pathetic excuse for "bundling" clued her into my not-so-wise choice.

I was still in shock from the cold ;)

I decided to do C25k again because I wasn't about to get clever with workouts. Given that there's never more than a minute of running at a time this first week, I figured I wasn't going to kill myself by doing two days in a row.

I made it back home and am thrilled to announce that I'll be spending the rest of the night under the covers catching up on Revenge :)

Oh - and at some point I'll do some lunges and squats. Ugh.

Follow me on Bloglovin'

I've Ripped off the Band-Aid AND Decided on Rewards

One of my least favorite parts about starting a diet is the first time I step on the scale to assess how much damage I have done since the last time I tried to lose weight. I am usually so scared that I hold off several days to try to lose something so the shock isn't as bad.

But the band-aid has already been ripped off, because a couple of days ago I fully faced the damage I have done to my body since college - in visual, rather than numeric, form.

For some reason (*cough* booze), I was nostalgic and decided to look back at some of my early Facebook photos. After having deleted picture after picture from my camera over the holiday season, I was all-too-aware of how I currently looked in photos.

I had forgotten how I used to look...

During my sophomore year of college, I lost about 25 pounds and weighed in at 145 by that summer. Though I gained about 15 pounds between my lowest and meeting Joe a couple months after my college graduation, I still looked good (though I, of course, still thought I was "fat").

Junior year of college (2006), summer after graduation (2008), a year after meeting Joe (2009)

Now, let's compare that to this holiday season:

That middle one was from Christmas and made me want to crawl in a hole and die. The angle, lack of shower, and oversize wool sweater certainly didn't help ;)

Yikes.

I am sure that as soon as I hit "publish" I'll regret posting these pictures. After all, Joe and I have family and friends who read this blog and there are even people in his dental school class who check it out from time-to-time. It's humiliating to see the consequences of my laziness and inability to control what I put in my mouth (twss).

But these people see me IN REAL LIFE - when I am not posing for a camera and trying to strategically position my body for the most flattering angle possible. It's not like it's any secret that I have a weight problem.

So screw it. Screw being embarrassed. Screw wondering what people will think. I'm so over it. I want this journey to be an honest one, and I can start by laying out exactly where I am starting from.

***Side Note*** I feel like I am probably getting some rolled eyes out there because this is certainly not the first time I have been very candid with wanting to lose weight. I've even had a couple of very successful months blogging about exercise, diet, and shedding pounds - only to give up and gain it all (and then some) back. I can't promise that this time will be different, because each time I swear I am in this for the long run I get diverted, but this time feels different. ***End of Side Note***

This morning I woke up early, hopped on the scale and busted out the tape measure. Here's my starting point:

I am officially at my highest weight ever :(
It's a 10 pound increase since I stopped my diet this summer.
I am so disappointed in myself, but I was expecting worse - so I'll take it.

Measurements:
Arms - 13.5
Chest - 43.5
Waist - 38.5
Hips - 48
Thighs - 27.5
Calves - 17

So there you have it, folks. I also have some before pictures Joe took of me (bless that man) - but I think I'll save those for some kind of weight loss milestone. I've uploaded enough disappointment for one day ;)

On a happier note - I have determined the rewards for my point system!

In the past when I have done point systems, I usually faltered when I wasn't getting rewards quick enough. For this reason, I wanted to make sure I could realistically get a reward every 3-ish weeks. I decided that the sweet spot would be 600 points earned. So every time I hit 600, I get a little something for the effort :)

600 points - Manicure (just in time for the Dental school formal)
1200 points - 5 pieces of Paparazzi jewelry
1800 points - Manicure (just in time for our Spring Break trip to CA!)
2400 points - $100 shopping money
3000 points - 5 more pieces of Paparazzi jewelry
3600 points - Salon day
4200 points - New clothes for our June cruise! (to celebrate Joe's 1st year)

The cruise clothes are the biggie that I am SUPER pumped about. If my calculations are correct, 4200 points will take me to the end of May and that doesn't leave much shopping time. This means that I need to seriously bust butt to make sure I earn this reward.

And, on that note, I need to finish up my work for the day so I can hit the gym! Today I start C25K (again).

Follow me on Bloglovin'

New Year's Resolution: The Point System

Like most people, I always get excited about the fresh start that comes with a New Year. However, I make elaborate resolutions only to quit within a matter of weeks (or, more often, days).

Looking back on my resolutions for 2013, I'm simultaneously ecstatic and grossly disappointed. I had two resolutions: (1) To keep my blog going and consistently post & (2) To lose weight (partially by decreasing my intake of booze).

I count the blog resolution fulfilled, because in 2013 I wrote 145 blog posts! When I started the year, my blog was very new and I was still expecting to give it up any day. I have started countless diaries and blogs in the past, and NEVER continued them. The fact that it's been 14 months since I launched this blog and I am still (mostly) consistently posting is a serious win.

However, the weight loss thing didn't happen in 2013. At all.

To say that I had too many failed diets and hungover mornings last year would be an understatement, which is particularly frustrating because I started 2013 down 7 pounds from the previous month (quite a feat over the Christmas season!). Not only did I not keep my resolution to lose more weight, I greet 2014 about 15 pounds heavier.

A BIG part of me wants to just give up. But I know that I can't. Now that I am 28, weight-loss isn't just about vanity and being able to wear cute clothes, it's about improving my health. Not only am I sick of being a 20-something that huffs and puffs when faced with a flight of stairs, 2014 is (likely) the last full year I have before Joe and I start trying for a baby.

Because of this fact, especially, there are a lot of other areas in my life where I need to grow as well. I don't take very good care of myself (for example: I drink too much booze and soda, don't take my vitamins, rarely attend church & never wear my much needed mouthguard). If I can't take care of myself, how will I be able to take care of a baby? I need to grow more physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy in the next year so that I can approach the next chapter of our lives as the strongest woman possible.

To that end, weight loss is absolutely a resolution, but the bigger resolution is personal growth. I plan to do this by implementing a point system and having it include earning and losing points for weight and exercise-realted actions plus actions in other areas where I need to improve. Each time I reach a certain number of points, I will reward myself with some (non-food-related) reward.

In the past, I have done point systems a few times and I am always most successful at losing weight when I am doing points. I am an incredibly all-or-nothing person, and I've designed my point system to combat that as best I can. Usually, if I have a bowl of ice cream or a glass of wine when I am dieting I decide to "give up" that day and just do a free-for-all since the day has "already been ruined." If I know that there is an event coming up like a holiday, vacation or party where I know I will over-indulge, I'll wait to diet until after said event.

This is STUPID.

With the point system, I can choose to have one glass of wine or one piece of cake (heck! I can have as much as I want), but I'll need to make up those lost points through exercise or other healthy choices.

***Side Note*** Hmmm... you mean, when on a point system I approach a healthy lifestyle the way HEALTHY people do? Interesting. ***End of Side Note***

I know that I won't be able to be on a "diet" my whole life, but hopefully doing the point system will give me the ability to make conscious decisions about my health and to become less all-or-nothing.

And to ACTUALLY change my life!

So now I bet you are all curious as to how the heck I'll get/lose points!

Here's what I've decided I'll be tracking:

HOW I CAN EARN POINTS

• Every 15 minutes of exercise: + 3 points
• Drinking 100 oz of water in a day: + 5 points
• Each serving of fruit or veggies: + 1 point
• Taking my thyroid pill: + 1 point
• Taking my vitamins: + 1 point
• Brushing my teeth TWICE a day: + 2 points (I always do once, often forget at night)
• Flossing once a day: + 1 point
• Wearing my mouthguard at night: + 2 points
• Every 10 minutes of cleaning: + 1 point (I hate cleaning, and Joe loves a clean house. This one's for him. Plus, cleaning does burn calories)
• Every load of laundry: + 1 point (our washer/dryer is in the basement - 4 stories below us with no elevator. I HATE doing laundry)
• Every book finished: + 5 points (I love reading, but haven't been reading much at all lately. I want to get back into it instead of just watching TV in my free time)
• Every blog post written: + 2 points (I've been writing a lot less since I started work, I want to be sure I don't abandon the blog. This includes my Paparazzi blog too)
• Every date from the date jar completed: + 5 points (we haven't kept up with this at all - since it can be time consuming for me to prep the dates, I've just gotten lazy now that I am working. I want to be sure that we keep these dates going)
• Going to church: + 20 points (I feel guilty for even giving myself points for going to church - especially this many - but we have gone to church about 3 times in the last year. I want us to go every Sunday, and having this be a big point-getter should REALLY help get my lazy butt out the door. I told Joe I feel like a terrible person for this, and he said that the fact I recognize that going to church helps my spiritual growth and that the goal of the points is to grow as a person, I shouldn't feel bad. Plus, I am also rewarding myself for a fun date with my husband - this isn't just about getting points for being forced to do things I don't want to do, it's to make sure that lazy me does things she knows she wants to) 

HOW I CAN LOSE POINTS

• Every 12 ounces over 36 ounces of diet coke I drink: -3 points (Okay, okay. I get that 36 ounces of diet coke every day is still a ton and unhealthy. But that's cutting down my intake a lot. My goal will be to decrease that over the course of the next few months and *hopefully* eliminate diet coke as a daily vice)
• Each serving of sweets/dessert: -3 points
• Sleeping past 8 on weekdays & 10 on weekends: -2 points (working from home means I can sleep as late as I want - but it also means that if I start work too late in the day I will be working until after dinner and missing out on time with Joe and time for other important things)
• Staying up past 11 on weekdays & 1 on weekends: -2 points (I still need to make sure I get adequate sleep, so if I am waking up earlier I need to make sure that I am going to bed early enough to get at least 8 hours in)
• Eating out: -5 points for a low-calorie pick or -10 points for whatever I want on the menu (this includes fast food, restaurants and delivery)
• Booze: -2 points (per shot, glass of wine, or can of beer)

As you can see, these points touch on a variety of areas. I also do not give myself points for losing weight or take points away for gaining. I am obsessed enough with the number on the scale, I don't need one more reason to put pressure on that number.  The point is that if I make healthy choices I will lose.

Since today is Joe's last day of break, I agreed we can just bum around today and not worry about anything but enjoying ourselves. So that means that this point system goes into effect at midnight tonight! Wish me luck :)

Follow me on Bloglovin'

The Work-Wife Balance

I completed training yesterday for my new freelance writing job (more details here), and got the official go-ahead to start working independently this afternoon. Always the overachiever I, of course, way overestimated how quick I thought I'd be and so I am already behind.

Not good.

Based on my production so far, my workdays are going to be about 9-10 hours until I can increase my speed. This should be fine, seeing as how I am a bored dental school wife with a husband who studies or is in class 12-15 hours a day. What I've already realized, though, is that Joe and I have been spoiled by my recently-developed domesticity. I won't lie, the apartment isn't spotless, but I've been keeping up with the laundry, keeping our surroundings presentable, running all errands, and cooking dinner almost every single night.

***Side Note*** Plus, I have a gym membership that expires in 3 weeks and has been used far too little to justify renewing unless I step it up. Then again, if unemployed me couldn't get off her lazy butt to go to the gym, why on earth would I think adding a full-time job would make it any easier? ***End of Side Note***

I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up.

But keep up I'll have to, because I can't expect Joe to pick up any slack. So instead of wondering how I can do it, I'll channel my inner overachiever (who has been in hibernation while unemployed) and repeat:

Here's hoping caffeine and great organizational skills will push me through ;)

Follow me on Bloglovin'

What a Week

I've realized something about myself this week that is pretty awesome: I've seriously grown up. I'm not sure when or how it happened, but I had a couple things occur over the last several days that would have turned the old Kate into a sobbing mess. Instead, I handled both like the big girl I am.

My new action plan in case of emergency.

The first "thing" was cracking my iPhone screen. I'm a total klutz and actually broke the Otterbox that had been protecting my phone from its many falls over the last couple years. Since its volume button was already broken, I figured it wasn't worth investing in a new case since I'd be upgrading soon anyway. Not wanting to rush the pricey upgrade, I was very cautious with my naked iPhone and several weeks passed without event. I even figured out quick workarounds to increasing the volume so that the broken button wasn't a big deal. I was hoping to sail through another few months as-is.

But, alas, my luck had to run out. While walking to pick up the girls I nannied (yes, past tense, my last day was Friday) from school, the phone slipped out of my hands like a wet fish and fell flat on its face on one of Philly's cobblestone sidewalks. The screen was shattered pretty bad and, though shattered screens are apparently "hip" now (seriously), I knew instantly that I was going to have to get a new phone ASAP. Even though we had an upgrade available, I was not pleased since even a with the phone at a steep discount of $99 there were also taxes, an upgrade fee, a new case, etc. I figured we'd be out at least $200.

I was so frustrated, especially since the job was supposed to be finished a week earlier and I felt like if I hadn't been rushing to get the girls, I wouldn't have dropped my phone in the first place (though, let's be real. This is me. I would have dropped it eventually). I sighed, stuffed my phone into my purse and, as soon as I did, rain started pouring from the sky. I was without an umbrella and still had to pick up the 4-year-old from preschool and then push the double stroller over to the 5-year-old's school about 10 minutes away.

Pushing a 4-year-old in a double stroller over the bumpy Philly sidewalks is never easy - but when you add rain that is coming down so hard I had to take my glasses off, it's near impossible.

The old Kate probably would have started crying when the phone shattered... she DEFINITELY would have started crying when she had a shattered phone and was sopping wet. But I just used my frustration to propel that stroller as fast as possible and accepted that while both things were annoying, $hit happens. In the scheme of things that could get broken, an iPhone ready to be upgraded really wasn't the worst. It's not like I got in a car accident or anything...

And then Friday morning came.

It was my last official day of nannying (the other nanny returns from her trip abroad on Monday) and the dad said I could come in at 8 instead of 7 because only one of the girls had school that day. I was just a few blocks away and I suddenly felt and heard my car go "crunch." I was rear-ended.

It was another incident that would have brought the former Kate to tears (and, honestly, who would blame her?). But upon getting out of the car and seeing that the other driver and myself were both okay, I just accepted it. Yes, getting into a car accident sucks BAD, but no one was hurt and it could have been a lot worse.

The other driver and I were on the side of the road for about two hours dealing with police, insurance companies, and AAA for her car. I think I probably would have freaked if I was at fault, but I wasn't and I didn't want to make the other girl feel worse so I sucked it up and tried to make the whole thing as pleasant as possible. I'm sure the cop was confused when he drove up and we were laughing together and making plans for a future coffee date (we actually decided to nix the coffee idea and are getting drinks on Tuesday).

The fact that I didn't cry at either my phone or car troubles was a huge win in terms of me feeling like I am finally turning into a real adult. But the thing that most surprised and impressed me is that instead of my brain immediately going to the negative and trying to think of all the ways that both things were horrendous and how my life isn't fair, etc. my brain immediately jumped to the positive.

I felt so mentally and emotionally HEALTHY. And that's not something this anxiety-laden gal has often felt. If this is what being a grown up is, then I'm not minding so much :)

Oh, and did the new iPhone cost $200 like I expected? Nope. It plus an extra wall charger and a new car charger only cost $4.87 after I traded in the cracked one. So that was pretty sweet ;)

Follow me on Bloglovin'

Friend-less in Philly

Alrighty. I'm going to be a little woe-is-me today.

So far, I love almost everything about Philly (sans the traffic, liquor laws, distance to Target, and the weather). As a girl who prefers small towns or suburbs to cities (I hated living in San Francisco), I'm shocked that I could enjoy a city as much as I have this one over the last 3 months. 

But one big problem with Joe's choice of school is that the class is full of recent college graduates. Being 29 (Joe) and 27 (me) make us among the oldest in any social setting. There is one student who is 35 and I think I may have heard rumors about one or two other people close to Joe's age.

Aside from that? The class is made up of people so young they don't know who McGruff The Crime Dog is.

Seriously. Joe made a joke and referenced McGruff and all he got were blank stares.

Look, I am not ageist at all. In fact, I love the idea of being "class mom" and baking cookies, giving advice, etc. for/to these whippersnappers. And, despite being younger than us, everyone I've met in Joe's class is super sweet and welcoming. They are such an amazing group of people and I feel blessed that Joe will be surrounded by them for the next 4 years.

The only reason I am so bummed about the age of the students in his class (aside from the references they don't get... poor McGruff) is because that means very few (as in maybe just one?) of them are married. I've been reading blogs of other dental school wives and it seems like they have this cute little network of other women whose husbands are going through the same thing.

I'm already getting lonely, and know it's about to get much, much worse. I need friends, and just don't have them yet (unless you count the 4 & 5 year-olds I nanny). I always assumed that I'd meet wives/fiancees/gf's of dental students and that would be the way I made my Philly friends.

I am starting to think I need a plan B.

So what is your advice? How do adult women make friends?

I can't count on making work friends because I may have to continue nannying with the way the job market is in Philly. Even if I do eventually find an office job, who says there will be people my age or that they will even WANT to make a new friend?

Do I just accept the fact that Buster is going to be my Philly BFF?

While I love him to pieces, he's not interested in eating ice cream and watching Sex & the City

Week Re-Cap

That's me!

I haven't been very good at blogging this last week because work, dealing with Buster's separation anxiety, and trying to support Joe through orientation has taken up pretty much all of my time.

So I'll hit on the highlights (and lowlights) of each and try to be better next week.

***Side Note*** As a follower of blogs myself I hate when my favorite bloggers aren't consistent. Though I doubt I can count myself among anyone's favorite bloggers (yet? or is that wishful thinking?), consistency is still important. ***End of Side Note***

Work

As previously mentioned, I'm going to be vague about my nanny job for the privacy of the family I am working for. This was my first full week, and it was a doozy. The girls don't start school until September, and so they are home all day long. This means my days are about 10-11 hours (once school starts I'll have a 4-5 hour break in the middle of the day). They needed me for a bit yesterday, so I did get to go home early on Wednesday and Thursday, which was awesome since I had errands I needed to run and a dog I needed to rescue from our bathroom (more later on the dog).

Going from working 0 hours a day for 5 months to 10+ hours a day is not an easy adjustment. And starting any new job is always rough. This combination didn't make for a super week, but I am sure next week will be better.

I do have to say that I didn't realize how difficult nannying would be. I worked at an after school program after college and it was cake compared to this (mmm cake). I can't really pinpoint the reason it's so hard (maybe it really is just the long hours and fact I'm learning as I go?), but I found myself wondering a few times this week how moms and dads (especially stay-at-home parents who are with their kids 24/7) do it. It's not that the girls are bad, they are super cute and very smart, it's just HARD and a lot of responsibility.

I think these feelings depressed me a bit this week too, which probably didn't help the whole adjusting to work thing.

My whole life all I wanted to be was a stay-at-home mom (SAHM for those of you who don't read a lot of mom-blogs). I've been counting down the days until Joe and I can start a family and have worked out budgets so that we can see if having kids at some point when he is still in dental school is even feasible. After this week, I don't mind waiting, and even told him if we had to wait until after dental school I'd be 100% fine with that.

This scares me, as my identity is so wrapped up in being a "future SAHM." What if I can't hack being a SAHM? What if I don't like it? I always thought my stress and anxiety was mainly brought on by not doing what I wanted with my life (being a SAHM), but what if NOTHING will make me happy? Not a happy thought.

Buster

As I mentioned in my last post, we are having trouble with Buster's separation anxiety. When I came home on Thursday he had pooped in the bathroom and tracked it everywhere. He also covered the main mound with his towel, so after I had cleaned up almost everything and went to move the towel to his bed, I had a nice little big surprise.

He also found something to rub his nose on in the bathroom and injured it further. Also, based on the placement of his toys it looks like he is neither playing with his toys nor laying in his bed. We think he's just crying at the door and jumping up and down in the bathroom (he used to jump up and down at the shelter and Joe found a blood mark on the door pretty high up - we assume from his nose). I mean, seriously, it's like a crime scene every time we come home.

Not true, but made me laugh

My friend Erin gave some great advice about getting a child gate so he doesn't feel so confined. Given Buster's proclivity to jumping, though, I'm sure he'd clear it in a hot second.

Since the bathroom isn't helping and we can't chance him getting poop all over our bed again by leaving him in the bedroom, we decided we are going back to the crate. At least in the crate he doesn't poop, he's safe (if we can figure out how to protect his nose), and he seems to settle down eventually. When we come to get him out he's usually laying there pretty calm.

I also contacted a dog trainer and am going to read some books on separation anxiety. This little pup is costing us a pretty penny, but we love him so much we don't care.

Hmmmm. Wait a minute. I may have had another "aha moment."

I've always been a person who likes dogs, but said I'd never put up with BS from one of my own. I would see people baby their animals and put up with bad habits, etc. Behaviors in another animals would drive me crazy, but Buster doing the exact same things I find cute or, at the very least, easy to forgive.

Example? I sometimes let him lick my fingers after I eat (*hangs head in shame*). Are you kidding me? If I saw someone else do that I'd roll my eyes and think they were insane.

It must be the same way with children. So even though nannying is tough and scaring me a bit from having kids of my own, I'm sure I'll find that I love them so much that the hard times won't be so hard. It'll just be different.

This actually makes me feel better. Blogging is SOOO therapeutic ;)

Joe

Joe's orientation went well. He's really excited about school starting and more confident than ever that he made the right choice picking Penn.

There were events at night during the week and we attended most of them so we could get to know people. I was EXHAUSTED from work, but went anyway because it's important to start these next 4 years off on the right foot and I was hoping to meet other dental school wives/girlfriends/etc. (which I didn't - wah wah).

It's tough not to have any friends in Philadelphia. The other dental students are very nice and include me in things with Joe. Once school starts, though, it's not like they are going to have free time to be my friend. And if they do have free time, that means Joe will also have free time and I am sure I'll be desperate for some quality 1:1 time with him. I started a Facebook group for significant others of Penn Dental Students, but only one guy has joined it.

Oh, well. At least I have Buster ;)

A Week Without Job-Hunting

I can officially suspend my job hunt because I will be employed soon!

(Well, at least until October 1)

That's right, starting August 15 I am going to be a nanny! It's the temporary position I planned to cancel the interview with (since it seemed like I might be getting a full-time job), but they wanted me to interview anyway. They said that if that other job does want me, I can work until that one starts and then babysit some nights/weekends. It's really an ideal situation, because no matter what I'll be working for 6 weeks. Plus, babysitting opportunities will give me supplemental income no matter what job I have. Supplemental income is important, since I'll be making half of what I made in San Francisco.

***Side Note*** I'm really excited because this family seems great. They have two girls ages 4 & 5 who are awesome, love crafts, and love Disney princesses. As you can see, we have a lot in common. I am going to get paid to play, how sweet is that? ***End of Side Note*** 

This all means that instead of another Monday trolling Craigslist and job-boards, I can take a break. Best case scenario is I get the full time position and don't need to look for any more jobs (yay!), worst case scenario is I have a job for 6 weeks and can start looking again in September for jobs that would start after 10/1.

Whatever the case, I am excited to finally have some $$$ come in and something productive to do with my day.

You know, more productive than sleeping in and watching TV.

Six weeks of Disney princesses, tea parties, crafts, dress-up, Barbies, etc.? I can totes handle that :)

Life on an Air Mattress Continues

A few months ago, I discovered thrift shopping and have been (slightly) obsessed ever since. So when we needed to buy some furniture for our new apartment (both because it's bigger than the last and because our pod didn't fit as much as we expected), I wanted to go the thrifting / Craigslist route for what we could.

So far, it has been highly successful - we've gotten two dressers, a cabinet, a (p)leather love seat, a sofa bed, 3 bar stools, 2 bedside tables, an area rug, and a mattress.

All of it is in great shape - except the sofa bed and mattress. The sofa bed was bought at a thrift store and is covered in hair (yum) and the (free!) Craigslist mattress smells like a casino and looks like the previous owner was a profuse sleep sweater.

Neither was bad enough that I'd pass up the deal, but we definitely wanted to get them professionally cleaned before sitting or sleeping on them.

Since our sofa bed wasn't able to be delivered until yesterday, the earliest we could schedule a professional cleaner was for today. This meant sleeping on an air mattress for 10 nights. We sucked it up and thought of the $$$ we'd saved.

So when today arrived, I was pumped that the air mattress would be retired and I'd have a real bed to sleep on. But, alas, we were not so lucky. Mother Nature decided a thunder and lightning storm was in order, and since all of the equipment for the cleaner is outside (the hoses are all that are brought in), we had to postpone until MONDAY. That's four more nights of sleeping on an air mattress.

People asked (jokingly) how Joe and I could survive a cross country drive without killing each other. Ha! That was nothing compared to two weeks of less-than-stellar sleep on an air mattress. Monday won't come soon enough.

Follow me on Bloglovin' 

I'm Alive!

Just a quick update... this cold of mine has been pretty nasty. I have had zero energy and I've pretty much stayed in one place on the couch 24 hours a day (sleeping here both to spare Joe of as many germs as possible and because it's a recliner and that helps me stay propped up so I don't wake up coughing too much).

I've gone out a few times because I refuse to miss out on EVERYTHING, but each time I've come home from a mini-excursion I've been exhausted. Frankly, I've barely had the energy to surf the internet, let alone type up a blog post, which is why I've been M.I.A for much of this Missouri leg of the trip.

Tomorrow we were supposed to leave bright and early for Memphis, but I just can't bring myself to start the road part of our road trip again. If the thought of showering wears me out, the thought of hours in the car and sightseeing makes me want to take a Rip-Van-Winkle style nap. The plan is to leave Wednesday instead - assuming I'm up for it. Today is the best I've felt in over a week, so my fingers are crossed. Our pod arrives in Philly on June 7, so we have to be there by then. Each day we stay in St. Louis is a day that we have to knock off the road trip, so I don't want to delay TOO much.

It hasn't been all bad - we are still spending time with Joe's family and we got his mom, step-dad, sister, brother, and sister-in-law to try The Walking Dead. They are all obsessed. While the siblings are now in their respective homes, they are still watching on their own, and we are blasting through season 2 at his mom's house. We'll probably finish today and get started on Season 3 tonight or tomorrow. Even though Joe and I just watched The Walking Dead about two months ago, it's really fun to re-watch.

Welp, that's all I can bring myself to write for now. Time to watch The Walking Dead and lay on the couch some more.

Follow me on Bloglovin' 

Sick in St. Louis and Joe's Birthday

It's been a few days since I've written, because the second I got to St. Louis I got sick :(

***Side Note*** After running to the bathroom several times during brunch on Sunday morning there were rumors I was pregnant. Do not believe the rumors. They are nothing more than wishful thinking from future grandparents/aunts/uncles etc. ***End of Side Note***

While the timing is good in that I am in a home where I have the ability to relax and recover for several days, that is the only positive - I've had to miss out on time with my in-laws and I've missed some fun activities (Cardinals game and Dave and Busters on Sunday and City Museum today). It really stinks.

Luckily I felt pretty good on Monday for Joe's birthday, but after that day of fun, I had a bit of a set-back. It was worth it, though. He had a great day.

I'm frankly too darn lethargic to write much more and to give a full description of the last few days, so I'm doing a photo dump instead. Enjoy!

Joe's mom threw him a surprise party on Saturday when we arrived in St. Louis

Joe and his Grandma

Grandma, Joe, me, his sister Megan, and her boyfriend Charlie

Mamma is happy to have her boy home.

Lots of candles to blow out. And Kate needs a white balance card for her camera!

On Monday (Joe's birthday) we went to the Zoo. Megan, Joe, Me, Shannon (sis-in-law), and Eric (bro-in-law)

I made Joe wear this ribbon all day.

Goofy boys

I wasn't feeling well, so I was sitting when possible. Even in King Kong's arms.

Joe and his twin, Joe.

Not sure what kind of duck this is - but it was with the Puffins. It kind of looks like a Puffin and a duck had a baby, so I am calling it a Duffin.

After the Zoo we went to the Science Center. They have a planetarium and, since Joe is nuts about space, we watched a show and perused their space exhibit.

Joe got a lolly at the Science Museum.

And we all got Ted Drewes after. The BEST frozen custard EVER.

MMMMM Reeses and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough concrete

Eagerly awaiting cake and present time.

Some warm slippers from my family.

A cool Stan Musial picture from Joe's mom and step-dad.

Some fun office supplies from his sister Megan

An economics book from me

A shakoolie from me (it is a special holder for your shower that you can put a beer can in. Joe loves to take Bowers.

Band of Brothers from me.

Walking Dead board game from me.

I think this is his third cake this year, so I kept it small. We had leftover cake from Saturday still in the fridge.

Happy birthday to the love of my life! Sorry I've been sick, but I am glad you still had a fun birthday and you got to spend it with so many of your family members :)

Follow me on Bloglovin'