Bye Bye Scale

Oh what a tease I am. I mention in my last post that I am a few days away from my monthly weigh-in, and then I don't bother to blog until a week after said weigh-in day. I am sure you are all dying from the anticipation ;)

Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but I only lost 0.6 pounds.

Yup. You read that right. After a MONTH of busting my butt in the gym and being very careful with food and alcohol (I honestly don't think I have ever worked so hard to lose weight in my life), I didn't even lose a whole pound.

I was livid.

Until my trainer measured me.

Then I found out I lost a TONNNNNN of inches. FIFTEEN to be exact. Here's the breakdown:

Not too shabby for four weeks :)

The measurements helped calm me down A LOT, but I can't stop thinking about the scale. My pride at getting such amazing results is constantly tempered because every time I think about the inches lost or put on an article of clothing that is looser, my brain snaps me back to that moment when I stepped on the scale and it read 195. How unfair is that when I worked so hard and EARNED the right to be proud of myself?

So I'm done. I don't care what the scale says anymore. I want to lose weight because I want to look better and I want to get stronger. People don't see my weight tattooed to my forehead when I walk down the street, they see what I physically look like. And I am kicking butt in the gym, getting stronger every single time I train.

I'm sure I'll eventually weigh myself again, but for now I don't want anything to do with the scale.

Instead, I'll just keep flexing in the mirror (my new favorite pastime) and reminding myself of this:

Source: http://bodyconsciousnessblog.com

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Allow Me to Fill You In....

It's been quite an absence - sorry about that!

Here's what I've failed to fill you in on lately:


SPRING BREAK

Going back to California for Spring Break was a lot of fun!

Joe joined me in California for the first 5 days of my 11 day va-cay. Since he was only in town for a handful of days, we had a pretty packed schedule because we wanted to visit as many friends and family as we could. It was so much fun to see all the familiar faces :)

After he left, things slowed down and I spent most of my time either working or shopping with my mom. I was so strange to be away from him for almost a week - it's the longest we've been apart since we've been married - but I'm still going to try to make it home more often in the future. Since I can work from anywhere, I should take advantage of that.

It was also fun to be home for two Sundays because I was able to watch two new episodes of The Walking Dead with my parents - who are obsessed (especially my Dad). My brother, Brian, was home for the first Sunday and is a big fan as well. He convinced me to read the comics, which I started a few days ago and am TOTALLY hooked on. They are incredibly twisted so, being me, I obviously can't get enough of them.

***Side Note*** This is the first comic I've read, so I don't know if this is true for ALL comics, but I am SHOCKED at how many "adult situations" there are! Now I finally understand why some guys are totally obsessed with comic books ;) ***End of Side Note***

While I ate too much on my trip and only exercised a couple of times, I was still down 0.4 pounds when I returned... so I consider that a win. And that's after TWO visits to In N Out ;)

Of course, I HAD to Instagram my first meal there :) And, yes, I do eat a ridiculous amount of ketchup.

BUSTER'S BIRTHDAY

One downside of staying in California longer than Joe did was that I missed Buster's first birthday with us. He's four now, and his birthday was March 14. Not only did his mommy miss his special day, but the poor guy had to go to the vet for some shots!

I made it up to him by bringing home some presents. He also got a special doggy cookie in the shape of a squirrel (he loves chasing them) and Joe made him some chicken and rice to eat.

I'm impressed - the dog knows how to open a present...

I LOVE this picture because he looks like he dropped his mouth in shock at his present. Really, he was just yawning - something he does approximately 15,324 times a day.

DENTAL SCHOOL

The second semester of dental school has brought a shift for Joe. Instead of being in lecture all day learning science stuff, he's now doing more hands-on stuff! He's excited to finally roll his sleeves up. Not only is he assisting 3rd and 4th year students when they work on patients, but he is in lab doing things like making wax teeth and filling cavities on dummies.

Sometimes, he can bring stuff home. And then I get to take pictures :)

He's carving a tooth out of wax for this project. I don't understand the point, but nearly every (if not all) dental schools require this. Some make you do the entire mouth! It's incredibly time consuming.

Hard at work

But happy to be carving instead of having his head buried in a book.

TRAINING

Upon returning to Philly, I've been really focused on eating right and hitting the gym hard with my trainer. Though I have been lazy and haven't made it to the gym on non-training days, three extreme workouts a week is definitely a step up from what I had been doing. I'm going to aim for 5 days a week next week (3 with the trainer, 2 cardio days) - which is what she wants me to do.

Although I am not a fan DURING training, I am LOVING that I made the decision to do this. I can tell that I am getting an incredible workout, and I am already seeing some arm definition that I haven't seen in FAR too long. I'm so dedicated that I've even starting drinking protein powder drinks after workouts to help build muscle!

I love my trainer! She knows how much to push to make me red-faced, sweaty and sore the next day
- but not in a ton of pain.

The only thing that really stinks is that she wants me to weigh myself just ONCE a month. This is going to be VERY difficult, and it also means that you'll have to say goodbye to Weigh-in Wednesdays, but I'm going to be a good trainee and listen to her.


Welp. That's really about it. Life has been crazy busy with work and training, and there haven't been too many exciting things going on. That said, I hate inconsistent bloggers, so I am going to try to up my game :)

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Sore Tuesday

Forget Fat Tuesday; today is Sore Tuesday.

There was no way that after busting my butt in the gym yesterday I was going to overindulge today - despite the built-in excuse ;) I was actually surprised that I wasn't in more pain, because I legitimately thought there was a chance I was going to barf, pass out, or die during my first official workout yesterday. But none of the above happened, so I consider that a HUGE win.

I DID Jillian, I swear!

I can't imagine how embarrassing it would have been if I actually puked or passed out. Heck, it was already an embarrassing experience because I had to train in the men's training area.

***Side Note*** By "men's training area,"I mean the co-ed free weight room that few women dare step foot in, either because they don't know what to do, are afraid of getting hit on, or don't want to "bulk up" (which is stupid, because weight-training is so important in slimming down). ***End of Side Note***

Instead of easing me into the "man zone," my trainer popped my weight room cherry by making me do lunges the entire length of the room and back. Twice.

I was SO MORTIFIED.

Not only have I just recently been re-taught how to lunge (I apparently forgot every single thing my trainer 5 years ago taught me), but my balance is terrible, and my endurance is pathetic.

This led to me huffing and puffing down the length of the room and probably appearing half-drunk. All the men watched, of course.

I WANTED TO DIE.

I told myself then and am trying to tell myself now that maybe they admired my moxie? After all, I was obviously out of my comfort zone and I was pushing through. But they probably were thinking, "What is this chubby chick doing? I really hope she doesn't have a heart attack. I have more reps to do and a crew of EMTs would disrupt that."

Tomorrow I get to go back and do the whole thing all over again. I am so not looking forward to it. But I keep browsing the internet for cruise clothes and I really, really want to feel more comfortable with my body before that trip. So I shall press on.

Only 35 more sessions left ;)

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It's Official - I'm Going to Hate Myself

I did it! Yesterday I signed up for 36 pre-paid sessions with a trainer (3x a week for 3 months) and we did an assessment workout.

My assessment is that I am going to HATE myself. I am really glad that I bit the bullet and made that commitment, but there are going to be MANY, MANY times when I will surely question my sanity for subjecting myself to this torture - especially 36 promised sessions of torture.

I've already felt twinges of regret. They come, for example, every time I use the stairs and my butt feels like someone is going to town with a chisel on each cheek.

But, in the end, I'd rather hate myself for pushing myself than hate myself for being lazy and taking no action whatsoever.

I think it is pretty clear from my yo-yo dieting and constant vows of "I will improve" and "this time will be different," that I am currently incapable of committing to changing my body on my own. I'm furious at myself that my health and my desire to look better isn't motivation enough, but I  clearly need something more.

Maybe feeling accountable to my trainer will help give me the added push I need (after all, I am a people pleaser). Maybe knowing how disgusted I'd feel with myself if I wasted this money will do it. Maybe the very fact that I bet this large sum of money on myself will empower me and I'll switch into kick-butt mode.

Whatever the case, I truly believe that I will be better off once these 36 sessions are complete. It's just up to me how much better off I'll be. And I know that I'll be mad at myself mid-workout when I am exhausted and in pain, but I know it'll be worth it.

I may just have to avoid stairs as much as possible for the next 3 months. I wonder how Joe would feel about moving our bed downstairs to the living room ;)

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Weigh-in Wednesday

I am FINALLY the lowest I have been in 2014:

It's taken me nearly a month to make up for my two weeks of sloth and gluttony following my toe incident, but here I am :) In two months I am officially down 6.8 pounds.

I have also made two big decisions with regards to my weight loss.

The first decision was to rejigger my points and to make 2500 the goal before the cruise instead of 3000.

***Side Note*** For anyone new to the blog, here's where I explain my point system. The big prize I get for hitting my points is new clothes for our June cruise. ***End of Side Note***

I feel a little like I've cheated, but there is ZERO way that I was going to be able to attain the 3000 points. So it's either abandon the points all together, or re-evaluate them. Afraid that I was justifying something that shouldn't be justified (after all, this WAS an attainable goal when I first set it), I talked to Joe. He pointed out that Paparazzi has been taking up such a HUGE amount of time, that when I predicted my point-earning ability per day I had no idea that I was essentially going to be working a full time AND and half time job. There are also things that I've dropped earning points for (like going to church, since I felt wrong giving myself points for that), and I didn't adjust my original goal to reflect those changes.

So 2500 points it is - and according to Joe I am NOT allowed to change this again. No new clothes if I don't hit it. Given that I've been doing some online perusing of cute outfits lately, I refuse to let that happen.

Just a little inspiration courtesy of ModCloth.

Also, since I shouldn't be let entirely off the hook, I've eliminated my mini-rewards. I figure a new cruise wardrobe is motivation (and expensive) enough, and it's not fair that I get everything I promised myself when I haven't fully committed myself.

My other big change is that I have decided to hire a personal trainer. I had a trainer for several months about 5 years ago, and it really kept me consistent with going to the gym. I couldn't just back out because I didn't feel like going. I was also able to push myself a lot more, especially with weights, because I trusted he knew that what he was asking me to do was possible.

Yesterday while I was half-assedly using the elliptical machine and thinking of all the cute clothes I wanted to buy for the cruise, I realized that even if I earn the points to get the clothes - who says I'll actually look good in them. To-date, I've earned nearly 1000 points and lost 6.8 pounds. With only 1500 more points to go, if I lose at the same rate I won't even hit a total of 20 pounds lost before the cruise. 

Not cool.

My ability to hire a trainer is twofold:

a.) Trainers are surprisingly cheap in Philly.  The cost is about half of what it would have been to have a trainer in San Francisco.

b.) My job pays based on output and I am able to work as much as I want. This means I have the unique opportunity to "pay" for extras just by working extra hours. While it stinks to increase my workload even more, I feel like I would be a fool to turn down what I am viewing as free training (since our monthly income vs. expenses will work out to the same thing). 

So today I go in for my free consultation (30 minutes of goal-planning, 30 minute training session) and I'm going to just bite the bullet and officially sign up.

I planned to wait until after I got back from California to start training, but the last thing I want is to go into vacation-mode early and start eating bad in anticipation of the fact that I won't be eating the best while I am there (I ALWAYS do that). Plus, knowing I have someone who I will be accountable to when I return may mean that I am able to be more disciplined while I am gone. 

Wish me luck! I am sure to need it today.

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